Worst of Craigslist: Strangeness, Philly-Bred

Philly is a weird place. When I venture out of city limits, I can always spot comrades the same way war vets greet each other on the street.

And it’s not just the funny way we say “water” or refer to most everything as a “jawn.” It’s the weirdness. We know the weirdness. We grew up in the weirdness. Hell, we ARE the weirdness.

Craigslist is the best reflection of this citywide normalization of insanity. Of course Mark Wahlberg will respond to your personal ad. Buying a pet skunk? Great idea.Wanna get drunk and write missives reminiscing about your most romantic parking lot encounters? Go for it.

Start that post-apocalyptic urban folk rock cabaret musical movement. Be proud of your hippie-alien self-identification.

We won’t judge you (much) … not here in Philly, anyway.

Come on, what do we need a big ladder truck for, saving people or something?

I know it’s crazy; people have been blaming Bush for everything lately. Can’t that poor guy get a break? Oh, wait …

Newsflash: you did not invent the idea of a post-apocalyptic-themed fusion genre concept album. Unfortunately.

Klearly, the kurriculum doesn’t include spelling.

It’s a good thing my soul doesn’t have a credit report because at the rate I’m going, it’d take me about 37 years to get into heaven postmortem.

Wait, how did we go from a single mom work-from-home employment scam to a butcher-slaughterer inspection?

I would venture a guess that the number of ski clubs in Philadelphia is directly proportional to the number of mountains in Philadelphia.

What if the Lord leads you to one of them homo bars?

Interesting choice.

You WILL wish you had advanced-stage dementia after you spend about five minutes of listening to this douchebag’s pompous ranting.

You worked together at a Denny’s parking lot? What were you, day shift hookers?

Beautiful + French + Save-a-lot? That is quite the anomaly.

Why are you wasting your time studying the thumbs of other people’s girlfriends?

Those are some classy date spots.

I feel the same way about bacon.

Wow, guys really do get pissed when you do the fake number thing. But what a strangely thoughtful and moral retaliation.

Wow, this exchange is, um, grim.

Missed connection with reality?

Come on, dude, how can you place an ad seeking a woman who is not the type to answer an ad?

Pretty sure Marky Mark’s not trolling Philly Craiglist missed connections, but I guess stranger things have happened.

A) Just because you have dreads or surface piercings doesn’t mean you’re an alien, though suburbanites and the elderly may regard you as such. B) “Challenging” music is code for shitty music.

I have similar fantasies, but the shitting is metaphorical. Have to ask: if the pee is free, what’s the 10 grand for?

Every once in a while, who doesn’t NEED SPANKED?