Worst of Craigslist: Tuesday August 16

No prior experience as a pale redhead, or is there something you’re not telling us here?

Funny, some lady on the subway told me the same thing this morning:

I’d love to be a fly on the wall at this job interview:

Never trust a “pro” wrestler who can’t compensate you til payday:

How do you lose a turtle in the first place? It’s not like they can run away.

QUICKEST WAY TO COMMUNICATE YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL: TURN OFF CAPS LOCK.

Other hard-hitting investigative questions include: is your husband a male? Does he have Internet access?

Seriously, what is it with Craigslist and feet? Or people who love feet (4ever)?

I just don’t see this ending well:

Did this dude learn English by watching PBS NewsHour? Or is he the most enthusiastic thesaurus-user ever? Either way, can’t quite grasp what went down here, but sounds kinky as hell:

Pretty sure he remembered you. You were the strange man who stuck a camera in his face because he looked “happy”:

Didn’t realize Shark Week was a “where.” Don’t send me messages to the contrary; I don’t care about your punk houses or bicycle festivals. Give the poor guy his water bottle back; it’s obviously irreplaceable.

I would hate to see how an eight-foot python conveys “moods”:

I gather you imagine lots of things:

A question that has crossed every woman’s mind at some point:

ME: Awkwardly leaning over the counter while softly panting! YOU: Backing away slowly with fear in your eyes! US: WILL ONLY EVER HAPPEN IN MY HEAD!!