5 Christmas songs that make absolutely no sense

You probably didn’t spend the holidays humming these songs.
Credit: Colourbox

So, we’re done caroling, right? Christmas is over. But before we say goodbye to the loop of tired Christmas songs until next year, here’s a list of songs that – whether you love ’em or hate ’em – make absolutely no sense.

1. “Funky Funky Xmas” by New Kids On The Block
First of all, why do The New Kids On The Block sound British in this song? There’s just no explanation for that. Somehow the lyrics about Santa burning his butt on a fire while going down the fireplace just weren’t catchy enough for people to sing year after year.

2. “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” by Alan Jackson
This might be the saddest holiday tune ever. Isn’t Christmas music by definition supposed to be full of comfort and joy? And shouldn’t a child be singing this and not a grown man?

3. “The Christmas Shoes” by NewSong
While we’re on the subject of sad Christmas music, “The Christmas Shoes” needs to be mentioned here. The heart of this song is definitely in the right place – it’s important not to forget about the less fortunate during the holidays – but seriously, a song about a boy buying shoes for his mom to wear when she dies? Too much.

4. “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy
The song starts with: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer/Walking home from my house Christmas Eve./You can say there’s no such thing as Santa. But as for me and grandpa we believe.” Now what does someone’s grandma getting run over by a reindeer have to do with believing in Santa? And how many people do you know who have actually had a deer run over them (and were not in a vehicle)?

5. “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” by Don Gardner
Do you know any kid who would rather have his baby teeth back than an XBox One, guitar or let’s see, anything else? This song was written in 1946, so the only explanation is that there were less toys back then and kids didn’t realize your “adult” teeth replace baby ones. It’s not like they could Google that.

Follow Emily on Twitter: @EmLaurence