Massive Weekend Edition

So I guess with Hurricane Irene hitting Philly this Saturday night into Sunday, lots of weirdos (who weren’t without power) had nothing better to do than post on Craigslist.

From the stalkers (so many!) to the cranky old people to those selling insane pets (if I wanted a squirrel or a cockroach, I wouldn’t have to venture more than five feet from my apartment), the site was abuzz with the, um, different-minded.

And since I missed yesterday, here’s an extra big weekend / Monday edition, complete with over-the-top love letters, cryptic rants and commentary from that one asshole who blames all acts of God on Obama (there’s always that one asshole).

I think this semi-statement sums up the ideology of many conservative fringe groups quite well.

I like this guy. He got wasted enough to lose a banjo AND he’s man enough to admit it.

Good luck getting rid of those. I’ve been trying for six months now.

Definitely instills confidence to know that the person teaching you about business has no business experience, either!

The pet squirrel thing has never worked out for me, personally, but good luck.

Hmm, valuing “radical sobriety,” veganism and “willingness to make noise” over actual musical ability? See how that works out for you.

Knew this was coming; hope it’s sarcastic.

Who could possibly resist South Philly Frank and his sweet drum kit?

I can save you some time and money by telling you the answer: because people suck.

Finally, someone calls out snobby bookstore employees. Like, don’t give me side-eye if I wanna buy The Rules According to JWoww.

McDonald’s? Way to entice.

There’s a thin line between extreme admiration and stalking. Pretty sure you crossed it.

Again, stalker territory.

I gather you’re very big into staring. Perhaps that factored into her schedule change?

I’m sure she would have appreciated your thoughtful compliment.

Ill-advised way to win back an ex #4891: broadcast the quality of your sex life on Craigslist (in caps, no less).

Doesn’t sound like much, if anything was missed during this connection.

Perhaps you didn’t get her name because she was too busy banging your friend in your apartment. Even hipsters have standards … right?

A bad first impression may not be a deal-breaker, but flip-flops sure the hell are.

I’m no shrink, but my diagnosis is: asshole.

Fuck those LGBT dudes — Philly’s got its own “it gets better” project.

I don’t have much in the way of commentary, but he called the guy a “horse-tickling, chicken fingering moron.” Haha.

That’s funny, my glasses do a great job of hiding the infinite hangover behind my eyes.

Cheap and easy physicals to expedite carry permit clearance. Because people don’t get shot around here often enough.

Musician wants to make hip hop but is not 100% serious and “so fucking white bread it hurts.” Kreayshawn, is that you?

Three or four cats=quirky cat lady. Cat colony=animal hoarder.

Wow, I’m no fan of the ‘burbs, but are things really that dire out there?

Probably better the two of you don’t get together. No one likes universe-eradicating black holes. Or performance art.

Hope the universe is spoiling me? We just had an earthquake, a hurricane and two building collapses in the same week.