The average high-profile celebrity divorce provides us with maybe four days of gossip — give or take, depending on if they made us sit through a reality show documenting their fairytale wedding.

But this Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise split is shaping up to be the gift (and/or curse) that keeps on giving (but more likely, taking).

It seems Holmes had more than some vague inkling that Scientology wasn’t the church she wanted her daughter, Suri, to grow up in.

“Every move she made and everything she did was controlled,” a source tells UsMagazine.com. “She felt like she was in ‘Rosemary’s Baby.’ She felt she had to get out to save her daughter.”

While we always detected an SOS signal in Holmes’ eyes, she decided to file for divorce when Cruise wanted to ship Suri off to a Scientology offshoot known as the Sea Organization, sources tell TMZ. Part indoctrination boot camp, part pure Boy Scout kitsch, the Sea Org is effectively the Scientology mothership, an elite military-style sect that requires members to sign one-billion-year contracts and wear Navy-inspired uniforms on campus. (Think Catholic school with more spaceships, less enchanted arks.)

“Katie and Tom also have very different parenting views,” another source tells UsMagazine.com. “Katie wants Suri to go to school with other children and have a grounded routine.”

This one is really setting the bar high for “irreconcilable differences.” What are the rest of us supposed to say when we get bored and see something shiny in the distance?

You can’t shake us, Anderson Cooper

Apparently, Anderson Cooper wasn’t officially out yet.

“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud,” the journalist — with visible abs, we’d like to point out — tells the Daily Beast.

As for the announcement, Cooper felt it was time to go on record. “There continue to be far too many incidences of bullying of young people, as well as discrimination and violence against people of all ages, based on their sexual orientation, and I believe there is value in making clear where I stand,” he says.

We commend you, Anderson — but don’t think this will stop us from making inappropriate comments about those sky blue eyes of yours.