‘Life is more than screwing women you meet on Tinder,’ says Heather McDonald

Heather McDonald is a wonky, observational comic from California who focuses on life with her kids and husband in her stand-up routine. Doubly amusing, though, is what McDonald brings to stand-up from her other jobs as a sexpert, gossip girl, and best-selling author of books like “You’ll Never Blue Ball in this Town Again.” She also worked on the TV show “Chelsea Lately” for seven years. Before her gig at Helium this week, we caught McDonald waiting for her son at karate class in the San Fernando Valley.

As someone who hosted a television show about sex, this should be important – “Loveline” with Dr. Drew Pinksy just ended. Now what?
I think it’s sad. I know Dr. Drew personally and been on that show. I even called in during my sophomore year of college and asked his opinion about being an old virgin. I think a loss of stations and the brutal work might’ve just been tough. I don’t think it’s any sign that people don’t want to talk about sex anymore.

I was getting ready to ask about your sex advice show, but now I have to know what advice he gave you.
His co-host Adam Carolla was like ‘huh?’ and thought it was weird. Dr. Drew gave the right advice: ‘Don’t worry about it. Do it at your own time and pace.’ I wrote about the experience in my “Blue Ball” book.

If Adam Corolla ever advised me, I bet I’d never have sex again. What happened to TLC’s “All About Sex?” It was a good show.
I’m disappointed. Any paying gig where you’re sitting around talking is a great job. Please, nobody boo-hoo for Kelly Ripa. Girl has the easiest job in the world – she’s good, but it’s easy being a talk show host. I think “All About Sex’s” title was misleading, It wasn’t. We talked about a lot of things but it sounded like ‘how many times can you hear about “50 Shades of Grey?”

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Do you remember the best advice you gave a caller?
Girls, if you’re dating and you have to ask a guy ‘where is this going’ –well, you shouldn’t have to ask. You’re the bomb. Why wouldn’t someone want to be your boyfriend? Act desirable. Don’t be the person begging for the boyfriend. I can’t tell you how many 20-something women I have spoken to have had lots of sex, but have never been taken to dinner – cute successful girls, at that. They’re not making it happen and the guys aren’t being taught how to do it. It’s really kind of a bummer.

It’s a generational thing.
Yes. One where no one is happy. I’m raising young boys and I’m going to teach them how to take women out and treat them. How do guys know what to do? They think life is just showing up in an Uber and screwing women they meet on Tinder.

So you miss “All About Sex” but your podcast is a stitch. How does the podcast world beat out Instagram and Twitter when it comes to gossiping?
The podcast world is its own animal and I’m happy to have a loyal listenership. We’re not TMZ. I’m doing stuff now, say, on Beyonce and Jay Z possibly breaking up, but with people calling in with hilarious theories. I have good smart interviews too with authors and directors and average about 150,000 downloads per episode.

Speaking of TMZ, what was it like being the subject of gossip fodder there regarding your time on “Chelsea Lately?”
Oh, my God. That was one of the worst things that happened to me.

You’ve performed stand-up in Philadelphia before. Are you excited to return?
Oh yeah. The last time I was in Philly, I was doing a show and there was this group of like twenty 20-something girls. I said I was thirsty, they asked me to come out with them, and we went to some bar in the area. They were fun. I was picking out potential dates for them. I was their matchmaker. That was great fun. I never do anything like that; normally I just go back to my room and watch Forensic Files. Philly is a cool city filed with smart funny people. I hope those girls come back.

Heather McDonald performs Thursday May 5 through Saturday May 7 at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia.